Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
