Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
