I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I can text with my tongue
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
