I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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