Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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