i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
