I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
