JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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