The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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