all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
