So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
