I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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