i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
