I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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