his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
