i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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