I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
