Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
