Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
