I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
50% drunk capacity currently
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
