Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We had to coat check the pizza.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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