11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
