Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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