but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Send help, water and tortillas.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
