There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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