Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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