OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
