So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
