Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have feelings that need drinking.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
