So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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