the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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