I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
