My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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