my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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