She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
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