Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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