I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
