I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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