Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm both gender and math confused
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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