I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
