the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
