i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
