i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I need to stop coming to work sober
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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