the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
