it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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