TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
