So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
