It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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