if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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