it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
