you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
